When Mrs. Adamu came down from the taxie, she was expecting the boys playing football in front of her house to help her carry her luggage, but none of them bothered to turn around to greet her, muchless help with the luggage. She tried getting their attention, but they all ignored her and continued with their game. Shocked at their attitude, she started raining insults on them as she went down memory lane on how it used to be when she was growing up. She told Leadership Weekend, “It is regarded an insult when you walk past an elder carrying a load without seeking to assist him her.?
When I was child. You dare not walk pass an elder without greeting, but today our children would look in your eyes and walk pass you with such impunity that makes me wonder how we got here. I don’t put much blame on them, but their parents who have failed to instill good manners into them. ”
Emmanuel Sani, a father of two who had also suffered the same treatment as Mrs.
Adamu said, “It is rather very unfortunate that our children have lost all sense of morality and respect for elders. They will even insult you to your face. I know of a boy who slapped his uncle because he rebuked him on the manner he talks to his widowed mother whenever an argument ensues between them. I don’t know what the future holds in stock for us with the kind of children we are churning out these days. I smell doom.
The worst is that they don’t want to take their studies seriously, but would want to wear the latest clothes, spend money as if it is going out of vogue; money they didn’t work for. It is a pity. Parents must go back to the drawing board; or else we are heading to a failed society.”
As perversion continues to take over all sense of morality, parents have been blamed for the decay in the society. Most people believe that the violence, robbery, kidnapping and other vices are as a result of the failure of the family unit. As more blame is being shifted to parents over the moral decadence of our youths, a child therapist and pediatrician, Adams Danyil said: “You must know that parenting is a very difficult job; that is why many are failing as parents.
“Parenting style is affected by both the parents and children’s temperaments and it depends on the parents’ orientation and culture. Most parents try to repeat how their parents brought them up with their children, unknown to them there are different types of parenting styles. There is slow parenting, authoritative parenting, indulgent parenting (also called permissive parenting, neglectful parenting, attachment parenting) parenting based on religious belief, ‘nurturant’ parenting and over parenting. We also have bad parents, like the abusive parents, narcissistic parenting, overbearing ones, neglectful parents and dogmatic parents.?
All these categories of parents influence what the children become in future. People who can be said to be successful most times experienced some form of good parenting more than the less successful ones, because parenting styles is a reflection of the parents’ temperaments and culture.”
Parenting a teenager is difficult because you get to see a glimpse of you when you were that age. Parents of difficult teenagers tend to become confused when their stubborn children exhibit risk-taking, aggressive, oppositional or judgment-impaired behavior and are even troubled when their children exhibit these behaviours.
To help raise better children, parents must learn to evaluate whether they are truly listening to their own lectures. They must Show a pleasant curiosity about their children’s thoughts instead of trying to fix their problems for them. Try to talk them through the consequences of their actions, because when it comes to difficult teens, using threats? would only increase their rebellion. Provide a home environment that is open to all conversation, not just what is socially acceptable. Also learn to help your kids realise that they are not failures when they make mistake. Show them how their choices are ineffective, and allow them to talk through what they did to contribute to the mistake without raising their defenses by blaming them. You must also help your children resolve mistakes by giving them space to solve problems that will help them.
Make them understand that they are very important because they will notice when you are making an effort to be close to them. Show interest in their activities; create time to eat with them. Take them to see an expert when their case is beyond you, like a therapist. Suicidal gestures, running away, self-injury, aggressive behaviour towards authority figures, substance abuse and hyperactive sexual acts are behaviours you must look out for in your children and take necessary steps when they seem too difficult to be talked out of .
You must teach them how to build character by creating an atmosphere of mutual respect, because they value being heard and having privacy. Also, set aside a few minutes each day to be available for them as it will go a long way towards improving your relationship with them. Also, involve them in planning your family timetable so as to give them that sense of belonging. Give them room to express themselves, give up on arguments when necessary so that they won’t feel you are being pushy.