These days most people accept divorce as a way of life, completely unaware of the damage they are doing to their children. While the separating couples often think divorce is the best option, especially where all forms of reconciliation have failed, it often turns out to be bad for the children in future no matter how amicably done. RALIAT AHMED writes.
Divorce is the legal breakup of a marriage. Like every major life change, divorce is stressful as a result of the effect it has on not only finances, living arrangements, household jobs, schedules and so on but on the lives of the children of those involved.
While it can take adults time to regain psychological equilibrium, there is debate whether children ever recover a stable perspective.
From the result of a study which analysed 1,000 families, it came up with the conclusion that there is no such thing as a good divorce when children are involved.This contradicts the widely-held belief that it is possible to have a ‘good divorce’ in which the children and adults emerge relatively unhurt. It also found out that children suffer when their parents’ marriage ends no matter how amicable the split.
The research team went further by comparing the welfare of children whose parents had divorced with those whose marriages were still intact.
Those from broken homes scored more poorly. They then zoomed in on almost 944 families from which had been through a divorce or the end of a long-term relationship.?
The families were divided into three groups.?
The first group was that of o-operative parents who shared childcare, still got on well with each other and rarely fought. This makes them fit into the criteria of a ‘good divorce’.
The second group were parallel parents who shared childcare but rarely spoke to each other.
The third group was described as single parent families because the absent parent had little or no contact with their child.
The parents were interviewed while the children were teenagers and the children interviewed when they became adults.
All three groups gave similar answers, debunking the idea of it being possible to have a good divorce. While in their teens, those with co-operative parents had fewer behaviour problems than other youngsters from broken homes.
A study of children six years after a parental marriage breakup revealed that even after all that time, these children tended to be lonely, unhappy, anxious and insecure and they are four times more likely to report problems with peers and friends than children whose parents have kept their marriages intact.
People who come from broken homes are almost twice as likely to attempt suicide than those who do not come from broken homes.Children of divorced parents are also said to be? two times more likely to drop out of high school than their peers who benefit from living with parents who did not divorce.
The danger that? breaking up of husband and a wife poses in the life of a child cannot be overemphasised, says a marriage councilor Mr. Oba Kasali .
Kasali explains: “Though in this part of the world, divorce is not as rampant as it in the western world.
But it is amazing that it is gradually gaining ground in our clime no thanks to ‘civilization’. No matter how amicably a divorce process may seem to be, there is no denying the fact that the kids are always at the receiving end of a divorce as it not only affect the quality of life they life but affects their future in many negative ways’’.
Another danger of divorce is that kids become very fearful and apprehensive – not being sure of what the future holds for them, he says.
Due to the fact that kids have? void and dicey imaginations, they are very likely to create in their minds hidden or unexpressed feelings which are capable of misleading them because of the absence? of parental guidance aided by divorce.
He notes that kids in this situation feel insecure and uncertain about a lot of issues.There is a? display of loss sense, direction and care because of the perceived impression of ‘no parent’.
Divorce affects not only the emotional and mental life of the child, it also affects physical health, and even the life span.
Children whose parents divorced the age of 21 are very likely to have their? life spans shortened. Death also increase especially when the divorce occurs before the fourth birthday of the child, Kasali cautioned.