A breakup is hard to accept, especially when you have invested a lot of time and effort in building a relationship and nurturing it. There are times when you feel that if only that had not happened or this person had not come in between, your relationship would have been perfect. The two of you would have been blissful in each other’s arms and no force in the world could have driven your man away.
You may feel your relationship should not have ended the way it did, or you two may have been happy together and should have remained inseparable. But the fact still remains that break-ups do not just happen, something must have triggered it. There could be something you or your ex must have seen in the relationship before you finally called it quits.
Beware; these are signs that you are getting obsessed with your ex-boyfriend. When you replay the scenes of your break-up again and again in your mind or keep going over the reasons why he left, it is time you gave yourself a mental shake, because it will only do you more harm than good.
In case you don’t know if you are obsessed with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, here are some of the signs to look out for:
•? You find yourself calling and texting the ex frequently, more than once a day without clear reason.
•?? You talk about the ex too frequently.
•? You are unable to relax when he/she is around you. Your ex blows you off all together.
Having noted the above signs, you have to shake off the obsession and make a decision to be happy with your life. Although you may think it is not easy to let go, but with determination and focus, the impossible will become possible. Here are a few things which will help you to let go of the shadows of the past and get on with the business of living in the present.?
Accept The Reality
You can start off by accepting what has happened. Easier said than done, you would say. But then whoever said that getting over a cherished relationship was easy! It takes time – a lot of it. Give yourself a few days to mourn the break-up but a few days only! During this period allow yourself to feel sad, angry and completely miserable, if you wish. But after the stipulated time, pull away the blinds, open the windows and let the fresh air from outside breathe new life into your room as well as your mind.
Get Rid Of Any Guilt
Be sure to absolve yourself of any guilt regarding the break-up. “If only I hadn’t told him about the incidents from college” or “if only I could lose some more weight”, you could go on and on, not getting to the crux of the problem. Just accept the fact that you have split and that it’s none of your doing.
A Learning Experience
Extract one important lesson from the whole experience. If you believe that you have learnt something from a failed relationship, it is likely to hurt less. The nightmare will have seemed to be worth striving through if only to attain a single pearl of wisdom.
Get Rid Of Everything That Reminds You Of Your Ex
A good way to let go of the past is sweeping away all its reminders. This means not only emptying your bathroom cabinet of his aftershaves and toothbrushes but also getting rid of things like a joint credit card or a joint bank account. Remove him from your speed-dial and if he figures on your social-networking account, de-list him from your ‘favorites’.
Focus On Yourself
This is the best time to come back to the person who matters most – yourself. Take time off from every other concern and focus on the person you are, your priorities, the goals you want to set for yourself and the person that you eventually want to become.
Often a relationship makes us overly involved in another person so that we lose focus of our own selves. This is right time to start working towards regaining your own identity. Better still, see if you can translate your aspirations into something concrete – like learning a new skill, taking up a hobby that you always found interesting or even relocating to a new city with a new job.
Can You Remain Friends?
If you are going through a painful breakup, it is best to let go of the relationship completely. Your ex-boyfriend may feel he is making it easier for you by offering to remain ‘friends’ but this may only be his way of working off the guilt. So don’t be desperate to return his calls or meet him at the first chance. This will not only keep you tied to a dead relationship but also delay the healing process.
Don’t Rush Into A New Relationship
Don’t be in a rush to find a substitute for your ex-boyfriend. While it is alright to meet new people and have a different social circle while emerging from a break-up, don’t change headlong into a new relationship. These rebound affairs never work and in most cases they leave you feeling worse than before.
Avoid Making Your Ex Jealous
Be careful not to indulge in things for the sole purpose of making your ex-boyfriend jealous. Flirting with others when he is around or taking up habits with the purpose of annoying him is not moving on. This only shows that you are still being obsessed about him and are more concerned with his reactions rather than your own healing process.
Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend has moved on with his/her life. Who knows if he has found another person with? whom he is happy and you are just there, brooding over a lost relationship. Friend! It is time you let go of that obsession and move on with your life. Human beings are internally wired to be active and happy. Remember that it is not in our make-up to mope and live in the shadows. So with a little patience and help from your well wishers there is no reason why you cannot let go of a failed relationship and leave thoughts of your ex where they truly belong.
Finally, if you feel that despite your best efforts, you cannot seem to let go of the thoughts of your ex, seek professional help.