New things are bound to happen in a new year, and one thing to avoid when it comes to relationship are gossipers. Blessing Ukemena writes on how doing away with such people could enhance relationship.
Gossip is unconstrained and often derogatory conversation about other people, and can involve betraying a confidence and spreading sensitive information or hurtful judgements. Research shows that people who gossip the most have very high levels of anxiety.
They are generally not particularly popular, because they cannot be trusted. Spreading private information or negative judgements is painful to others, and reflects poorly on the gossiper. Gossip has been known to destroy relationships time and again. In the new year, it is best to focus on developing one’s self and ignoring matters that are not? related to us.
Olufemi Joseph, a single guy who resides in the FCT, told LEADERSHIP SUNDAY that he was once in a beautiful relationship with a lady three years ago called Hannah. They were both undergraduates in the University of Abuja, and they had met in school. They later broke up because his friends had said somethings that were untrue about her. He had gotten angry and left her, and refused to listen to her pleas.
Till today, he still regrets his action as he was yet to find another love like hers and would gladly marry her today if she agrees. He still kept contact with her even when she was engaged to be married to someone else. Some would say that men do not gossip, but rather discuss other people. Gossiping is gossiping, no matter how it is described.Both men and women gossip.
Why people gossip
Certainly, there are a lot of reasons people gossip and they include:
To Feel Superior: People who don’t feel good about themselves temporarily feel better when they judge others negatively.
Out Of Boredom: When people can’t generate interesting discussions, based on knowledge or ideas, gossip can rouse people’s interest.
Out Of Envy: People gossip in order to hurt those whose popularity, talents, or lifestyle they envy.
To Feel Like Part Of The Group: People gossip to feel as though they belong to the group. Yet, when acceptance is based on being “in on a secret,” it is not based on a person’s identity, but on exclusion or maliciousness.
For Attention: A person gets to be the centre of attention temporarily while divulging a piece of gossip. Yet, spreading gossip or rumours is like buying attention; it’s temporary and has little foundation.
Out Of Anger Or Unhappiness: A person can derive a sense of retribution with disparaging remarks.
It is wrong to always talk about others
There are times when we cannot just help hearing a little juicy tale of what happened to somebody, but you have been dying to meet up close and personal. Most people have a natural curiosity about what’s going on among people in the community.
Some of the best books are biographies that tell the life stories of other people. They are not based on one-sided, offensive judgements of the person. Gossip, especially as it concerns relationships, is negative.
What to do? In any case, when you happen to walk into a gossip group, do the following:
1. Firstly, you need to be prepared? not to participate in gossip in any shape or form. This means not being the first person to introduce a new gossip topic, and it also means not adding fuel to the fire, by joining in? any gossip. This can be hard as we are surrounded by lots of gossip, but take one day at a time, and soon, it will become easier. Make it clear to others that you will not participate in gossip and that you don't want to listen to any gossip. This can be scary, as gossip is often a (unhealthy) way of bonding friendships and groups. Be courageous and stand your ground. Don't be a willing participant.
2. It’s best to simply change the subject. If they were talking about Jane for example, here are some other possible responses:“I notice that you talk about Jane a lot. I’m curious why she interests you so much?” “Let’s take a look at it from Jane’s side.” “I am more interested in what you are up to.” “Let’s talk about something more positive or decide what we’re going to do this afternoon.”
“I feel uncomfortable listening to negative judgements about people, unless we figure out how to help them.”
In conclusion, gossiping shows others the gossiper’s insecurity and meanspiritedness. It also leaves everyone involved feeling as though they’ve just eaten a bad apple.
Ultimately, the right insight into the intricacies of human relations and behaviour is more interesting, uplifting, and enlightening than one-dimensional judgements and rumours. In case it's one of your habits, make a decision to change it this new year. So, have a refreshing and gossip-free new year.